i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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