I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
