I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
