i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
