My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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