I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
