She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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