question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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