Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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