so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
