There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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