apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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