It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
