shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
