she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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