i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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