so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
