Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, beer. Big fan.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
