My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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