i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
