yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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