Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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