is your mom at the bar?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
