I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
