I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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