Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
