What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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