Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This house was built for laser tag.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
