you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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