Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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