Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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