I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
