dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
