pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
