btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
