I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
