I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
