A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize