im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
