he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am one with the molecules
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
