Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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