i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
