we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
