did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
