Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
