Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
