i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
