Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
