i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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