I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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