So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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