okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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