cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
