I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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