I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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