I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
