Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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