Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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