I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
