I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
