I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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