1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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