Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
