Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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