my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
