She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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