Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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