im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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