go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
