I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
