He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
