he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
