The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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