Please, let me fuck your mom
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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