I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
