and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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