Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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