Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
