This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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