I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
