Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
