Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
